Hidden Things

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings."

In the thick of it, I cannot see beyond my nose. I am frustrated at their unthankful hearts. I find myself being impatient and unkind. They leave socks everywhere....everywhere. I am constantly picking up pens, plastic toys, string, pieces of clothing, food items. "Oh God, how did I get here?"

I am the maid, the servant, the unnoticed, overworked mom. "What's for lunch?" "When can Michael come over?" "Why can't we have an RV like they do?" "Are we only going on one vacation this year???" AAAGGGHHH....

Yes, we have chosen this life. Called to it? Prepared for it? I can't really say either! We chose each time we adopted. We laid each situation out in front of the Lord and weighed pros and cons. Doors shut along the way at times and closed down options for us. But these 10 children, these were hand-picked to be together with us for this time. They are our children. "Father, why are the Summer days so difficult for me this year? Why am I struggling? "

Being raised as the oldest of three children, I was in no way prepared for this task. I cook in large pots, purchase huge cans of applesauce, procure produce in case lot sizes, run laundry in super-sized loads! I am the same girl who 25 years ago rode around in a convertible, music blasting, red hair blowing in the wind, red nails changing stations on the radio. What a howl to think of all God has done to get me here!

Lord, I pray, even today and for every day, that you would humble me. Help me see that your role on this earth was no more than a servant. It is a high calling in your economy. You emptied yourself of everything to be my Saviour and I am eternally grateful for this amazing love. I want to graciously give you ALL of me, empty ALL of me into your hands.

If you choose to conceal the "whys" for now, give me please the grace to bear your fruit on this earth for however many days you have me here!

As I stoop this day to pick up another dirty sock, remind me of how low you stooped to be the Saviour of the world! And may I always be a THANKFUL child.